Real Love 1 (If Only You Were Mine) Read online

  “I love you, Sasha,” he said repeatedly. “I love you…if only you were mine to begin with, all of this could have been avoided…”

  “This is not love, Levi! This is the epitome of betrayal and deceit and your egotistical pursuits! I regret the day I ever laid eyes on you! Losing Drake is the greatest loss I’ve ever experienced in my life and I don’t think I will ever forgive you for that!”

  “What about your part in the blame? You kissed me first!”

  Sasha picked up her steps and stormed past Levi with him following close behind her. He pleaded with her like a man on the verge of insanity. But Levi’s desperation didn’t faze Sasha one bit. With her belongings already packed in the trunk of her car, she simply continued walking until she got to the front porch. There, she fired her final words at Levi.

  “Me kissing you could never justify what you’ve done,” she spat. “You single-handedly took away the opportunity for me to explain to my husband what really happened between me and you. And you know quite well that we did not have sex. How could you write such a bold lie in that note? The more I think about what you’ve done, the more upset I get.”

  Levi reached out to touch Sasha, but she brutally swatted him away and marched toward her car. In no time she was en route to Paradise Blvd – some ten miles away where her friend, Hunter Rose lived. Hunter had called Sasha yesterday evening to tell her that she was back from her business trip. God always has a ram in the thicket, because Sasha couldn’t imagine going back to that cottage, even if the fumigation had been completed.

  ****

  Levi jumped into his car to follow Sasha but at the last minute, he decided to return to the Blue Marlin. However, he did not go back there to work another shift, he went there to find a distraction that would erase Sasha from his memory. He sat on one of the stools as if he was one of the patrons, trying his hardest not to lose what was left of his sanity.

  “Yo, Charlie!” he yelled to the bartender on duty. “Send down one of those bad boys…I will tell you when I’ve had enough.”

  Bacardi 151 was not widely available, simply because of its high alcohol content. It was considered a drink not for the faint of heart. Charlie knew that if nothing else could make Levi forget his agony, certainly this concoction would. He’d mixed the rum into a cocktail and rested it in front of Levi – a shot glass that Levi scarfed down with one gulp.

  Levi grunted, yelling at the top of his voice, “Keep ‘em coming, Charlie, keep ‘em coming!”

  “It looks as if some silly woman has broken your heart…”

  Levi didn’t need to look at the face to recognize the sultry voice of Mama Dee. She eased down on the stool next to him and draped an arm around his shoulder.

  “You are so gorgeous, so sexy,” she purred. “You’re like a black stallion. What a fool – whoever she is who has driven you to this miserable state.”

  “She’s not a fool,” Levi mumbled.

  Mama Dee chuckled. “So, I’m right. It is a woman. Well, in my book she is a fool…look at these huge biceps…so hard…so strong. If only you were mine; I would handle you as if you were my favorite ice cream.”

  Levi felt the tips of his ears getting hot as Mama Dee graze her fingers along his neckline. Soon, the entire room suddenly felt as if it were spinning and Levi didn’t know if it was the alcohol working or if it was his lust getting the best of him. In any event, the feeling was beginning to override the pain. He didn’t even bother to drink the refill Charlie had poured in front of him. Instead, he slipped off the stool, pulling Mama Dee along with him.

  Mama Dee sensed it was about to go down between her and Levi. She couldn’t stop herself from grinning at her good fortune. “Where are you taking me, handsome?”

  “Shut up!” Levi barked. “Before I change my mind…”

  He pulled Mama Dee into the Champagne Room – a room where patrons were allowed to perform sexual favors with employees, while others sat back to watch the perverted scenes. It was one of the privileges that came with being a premier member at the Blue Marlin. It didn’t take long for Levi and Mama Dee to begin the initiation process, each trying to rip off each other’s clothing. However, Levi couldn’t go any further beyond the passionate kissing as vivid images of Sasha’s heart-shaped face began to flash through his mind. One month before Sasha’s wedding, Levi had paid her a visit at her apartment, begging her not to marry Drake.

  “What are you doing here?” she’d lashed out at him. “I thought I told you that I don’t desire to pursue any sort of relationship with you.”

  “Can we at least be friends?” Levi asked. “I didn’t come here to make trouble; I came here to ask your opinion.”

  Sasha shot him a suspicious look. “My opinion? On what?”

  “Can I come inside for a minute? This won’t take long.”

  “No, you cannot come inside my apartment. Drake is now on the island and he could show up any minute.”

  Levi sighed, going directly to what he really wanted to say. “Why are you afraid to admit that you have feelings for me too? Marrying Drake is not going to erase them. In fact, you may even regret marrying Drake…don’t marry him, Sasha. I beg you. Follow your heart and do the right thing.”

  Seeing the pain and frustration in Levi’s eyes caused Sasha to pull back some of the bleakness in her tone. “Levi, you are a nice guy and someday I pray that you will find the right woman. But I’m sad to say, it won’t be me. You have to accept that I have chosen Drake to be my husband. I love him and I am doing the right thing by marrying him. Now if there is nothing else you came here to say, I suggest you leave – and I mean that in the nicest way possible.” When Levi didn’t respond, Sasha gave him a long hard stare and said, “Goodbye, Levi. I am so sorry, especially if I’ve led you on in any way. My intention was never to hurt you.”

  Sasha shut the door in Levi’s face. He stood there a good two minutes before he turned around to leave. But instead of leaving, he walked over to a chair that was in the corner of the small porch. He was about to sit in it, but seeing a notepad with Sasha’s handwriting, he picked it up and began reading it. There was a custom-designed insignia at the top with the words, ‘ALWAYS & FOREVER’. Levi sensed that it was something special given to Sasha by Drake. Right then, envy seized his heart. He pushed the notepad into his pants pocket and moved hastily toward his car.

  Mama Dee’s voice brought Levi’s mind back to the current situation at hand. “Kiss me, you big black stallion,” she urged. “I’ll make the pain go away…” She stuck a hand between his legs and grinned. “Just give me ten minutes…”

  “Get away from me, you disgusting whore!” Levi pushed the middle-age woman into the sheetrock. But almost immediately, his roar turned into a mass of pitiable cries. His words were shrouded in memories of his beloved Sasha. “I love her…why can’t she understand that I did what I did because I love her?”

  Anything and everything that was within reach of his hands or feet, he vandalized. The racket sent Mama Dee and several others screaming out of the Champagne Room. Several men, including the owner of the club rushed in and detained Levi, who was eventually dragged out of the building and left outside in the cold to regain his composure.

  APPROXIMATELY SIX MONTHS LATER

  Chapter Eleven

  Tampa, Florida

  “Come on, man, it’s been almost six months. You have to go back home to Devin’s Cay, if only for a short visit. And besides, you can’t legally stay here beyond six months anyway.”

  Drake looked at his brother like he’d swallowed lime juice. Kevin Beckford, who was two years older than Drake had tried all he could to get Drake to listen to reason. What sense did it make for Drake to avoid facing Sasha? That was the real reason why Drake didn’t want to go back home to Devin’s Cay, because that would mean he had to explain why he’d left her hanging the way he did. And since Kevin had always enjoyed being a loner, he was now feeling the pitch of Drake invading his personal space.

  “I am n
ot ready to go back to Devin’s Cay,” Drake said in between flipping the channels with the remote. “Too many unhappy memories.”

  “And you’re partly the cause of it,” Kevin said. “You should have stayed in Devin’s Cay and handled your problem like a man.”

  “What do you know about being married?” Drake spat beneath his breath.

  “I heard that.” Kevin reached over and snatched the remote from Drake. “Apparently, you don’t know anything about being married either. You might as well as have left Sasha standing at the altar rather than what you did to her. Come on, man. This is Sasha we’re talking about. You two have been dating each other since junior high. The least you could have done was give her the opportunity to express herself.”

  Six months ago, Drake would have responded with a sharp retort, but he’d gotten over most of his anger and in its place was a deep void that was growing deeper by the day. His brother was right. He should have stayed in Devin’s Cay and talked things over with Sasha. They may or may not have remained married, but at least he would have had the peace of knowing that he’d honestly given his marriage a fair shot. But so much time had passed, Drake’s pride would not allow him to submit to what he knew was the right thing to do.

  “It’s too late for me and Sasha,” Drake finally said. “I haven’t heard from her in six months, which means she’s probably moved on with Levi.”

  Kevin shook his head. “Stop making excuses. You know as well as I do Sasha hasn’t moved on with anyone. She agreed to marry you, didn’t she? That should count for something.”

  Drake’s comeback was stifled by the sound of Kevin’s cell phone. After talking for a minute or so, he handed the cell phone to Drake.

  “It’s for you,” he said. “It’s our dear mother.”

  “Is everything okay with her?” Drake inquired.

  “Oh, she’s fine, but she says there’s something important she needs to say to you.”

  Drake tried not to let his imagination run wild, but ever since he’d left Devin’s Cay, he always felt an ominous presence surrounding him. It seemed to remind him that there was much he needed to settle in his life before it was too late. That phone call from his mother confirmed it. By the time Drake handed Kevin back his phone, he was in tears.

  “Please don’t tell me that something has happened to Sasha,” Kevin said.

  “It’s not Sasha…” Drake stood to his feet, unable to control the waves of emotions rushing through his body. “It’s Rev. Henderson…he died last night of a heart attack.”

  “The old guy who married you and Sasha?”

  Too numb to form any more words, Drake simply nodded his response. He hadn’t planned on going back to Devin’s Cay anytime soon, but he had to go now. He’d told Rev. Henderson that he would be back within two months, but two months had turned into six. How could he not attend Rev. Henderson’s funeral? The man had fathered him and had caused Drake’s dreams to flourish from one manifestation to another. The least he could do was to pay his respects to such a giant of a man. Drake stumbled outside for some fresh air. If this was God’s way of punishing him for the error of his ways, God had certainly gotten his attention.

  Chapter Twelve

  El Shaddai Ministries

  Rev. T.G. Henderson’s casket was white marble with gold handles for his six pallbearers to clutch in their glove-covered hands. Tendrils of white lilies draped the altar – the same altar Rev. T.G. Henderson had preached from for forty-seven years. The choir was arrayed in their robes, belting out Rev. Henderson’s favorite hymns, which spoke about receiving an eternal reward. Indeed, the atmosphere was enriched with a graceful quietness that epitomized the life that Rev. Henderson had lived – a man of great honor who’d remained steadfast, even at the very end.

  Even though Rev. Henderson would have preferred his son, Drake to eulogize his funeral service, somehow, Elder John managed to convince the board that Drake was not fit to handle such a distinguished setting. Dignitaries from all over the ecclesiastical arena would be in attendance and Drake would probably embarrass them – just as he’d done six months ago when Rev. Henderson had called him to give a simple five-minute exaltation.

  The church hadn’t heard from Drake in all that time. How could they even be sure that Drake was still walking with the Lord? As far as Elder John was concerned, Drake had backslidden and was too ashamed to let anyone know about it. With such conviction set into the hearts of the board, Elder John was now at liberty to infiltrate his way into the bishopric. He even sat in Rev. Henderson’s chair and acted as if he’d already been installed as the new leader of El Shaddai Ministries.

  Rev. Henderson’s one daughter lived on the other side of the world in Paris. She had a very successful career in the entertainment industry. Elder John seriously doubted that Rev. Henderson’s daughter would be interested in taking over a church in the rural everglades of Devin’s Cay. So really, he was the better candidate anyway. Who else was worthy to fulfil the shoes of Rev. Henderson? However, that smugness was swiped off Elder John’s face when he saw Drake making his way into the sanctuary, who was being closely followed by Kevin Beckford, one of Drake’s brothers and Rena Henderson – the daughter of Rev. Henderson. The usher led the three to the front and sat them in the family and friends section.

  But as Elder John mounted the pulpit to continue on with the service, he shook off whatever feeling of intimidation Drake and Rena had brought in with them. There was no way he would allow anyone to move him from the helm of power. While Elder John was busy boiling over with anger, Drake was busy looking around for Sasha. He didn’t see her anywhere in the building, which was a surprise, considering how much Sasha revered Rev. Henderson. But Drake also knew that it meant Sasha was trying to avoid him too. Soon Drake’s subtle gazes were beginning to fill with tears. Rev. Henderson was now gone and it appeared as if Sasha was gone too. He’d lost two of the most important people in his life and he felt most of the blame.

  Kevin nudged him on the shoulder. “You okay, man?”

  “No...” Drake told his brother. “I am not okay. I don’t know how much longer I can stand being in this church.”

  Kevin reached around and gave Drake’s shoulder a manly squeeze. “It’s gonna be alright, kiddo. It feels hopeless now, but you will survive. Trust me.”

  Drake appreciated his brother trying to console him, but it was not going to bring Rev. Henderson back, or Sasha for that matter. He caught his falling tears on the back of his hand, turning his attention back to Elder John. A woman was leaning near Elder John’s ear, saying something to him. And whatever it was, Drake could tell that Elder John didn’t approve. His face contorted like he’d tasted something nasty.

  “This is a solemn time for Rev. Henderson’s family and friends,” Elder John said into the mic. “And I realize that many would like to express words of condolence or of solace, but for the sake of time, I encourage you to be considerate. Two minutes I believe is quite adequate for you to say what you need to say, with the exception of Rev. Henderson’s daughter, of course. She is at liberty to do as she feels.”

  Elder John paused to scan the section where Drake was sitting. He tried to keep the distaste out of his tone, but it was extremely difficult. He would have ignored Drake for the entire service had the mother of the church not sent him that upsetting message to include Drake on the program. But of course, Elder John didn’t want to turn the congregation against him. Most of them were anticipating Drake would say a few words about the man who’d given Drake a full scholarship to study at Valor Christian College. However, this really wasn’t sitting well with Elder John.

  “At this time,” he said, “I will call Minister Drake Beckford to greet the congregation and say a few words about Rev. Henderson. And in this order, Minister Beckford will be followed by Pastor Wendy, Bishop Gordon, Rev. White and then Rena Henderson.”

  Drake was half-expecting the announcement, but what he didn’t get was why Elder John was so disgruntled. It was obvio
us that he was now the new overseer of El Shaddai Ministries – a position that Drake didn’t really want anyway. The old guy should be thankful, showing a little more gratitude. Putting those thoughts aside for the moment, Drake took the mic from Elder John, but not without noticing the grimace on Elder John’s face, which seemed to say, ‘You had better not mess this up.’

  “Paul said to his protégé in 2 Timothy 4, beginning at verse 7,” Drake began in a surprisingly even tone, “‘I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord the righteous judge, shall give me at that day; and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.’ Those words were spoken centuries ago, but what fitting words to be spoken over the life of Rev. Terrance Gerald Henderson…As most of you know, Rev. Henderson was like a father to me. In fact, he was more than a father to me…he was my daddy, my friend, my confidant, my mentor…”

  Drake paused to get his bearings, because at that point the strength of his voice failed him. “Rev. Henderson was a man worthy of double honor. If I produced only a fraction of what he’d drilled into me, I would be well on my way to following his godly example. While I have this opportunity, I must use it to apologize to you – the wonderful members of El Shaddai Ministries, for the way I’ve handled my personal issues. It has only resulted in disappointing you and caused a temporal desertion of my vocation. Rev. Henderson had a lot of confidence in me and even now as I stand here, I don’t know if I have what it takes to ever walk in my father’s shoes…”

  Drake paused again, as he choked back his tears. It had become increasingly difficult to continue his speech. But the more he cried, the more affection he received from the congregation, so much so that they jumped to their feet and began to cheer. Drake needed not to say another word. The congregation understood. Elder John was on his feet as well, but he did not rise to join in with the cheers for this wayward young minister. He rose to take the mic from Drake and escort him off the pulpit.